Blurminator

We've sweated blood to afford an HDTV and sold our tears to corporate wankers to buy a PS3 but even after that we're still unable to get our DVDs looking nice. Well today ladies and gents that much sought after upscaling update has been launched, and has changed FUCK ALL.

Now rather than watching my films in classic grain-o-vision I can watch them in super-duper blur-o-vision! See here for an example;

Before:



Shit

After:



Still shit.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Nice whammy, can I touch it?

Does everything that comes into contact with 360 have to turn into a complete wreck? Take for instance this latest example. Guitar Hero 2, a PS2 game remember, now available on 360 for the really rather extortionate price of 70 smackers, and for those 70 smackers you end up with a piece of shit guitar that doesn't do half the stuff it's supposed to. Even a retard knows that Guitar Hero without a whammy bar is like porn with mingers, it just doesn't fucking work.

It's been well reported on the internet that the whammy bar is completely fucked, and there's a 'simple' fix. This fix requires you to unscrew no less than 13 screws, and slightly turn a piece of metal. Easy. However you have to remember this is a peripheral designed for the console with the highest death rate known to man. More 360's die every day than people in Africa with AIDs of the face. As a result when I go to fix my guitar I learn that not only is the piece of metal not rotated enough, but the whole fucking whammy bar is not wired to the PCB at all. Even in my GCSE Electronics I was taught that if wires don't touch it doesn't pissing work, so how these high-flying Microsoft QA bigwigs can fail in something as simple as soldering is beyond me. Still better luck next time boys?

Piss off chav scum

This is to all those bastards determined to keep me awake last night by revving their stupid 15cc mopeds for a constant half hour in an attempt to accidentally impregnate a couple of slags and catch gonorrhoea.

You're not big, you're not clever. You're just a twat in a hat.

Happy Easter

For today Jesus died so we could eat chocolate! Whoever had the logic to think that up though? We'll celebrate the horrible bloody demise of the saviour by scoffing our faces with shit. Mr Cadbury has a lot to answer for, but a lot to thank for at the same time...

Mmmmm Creme Egg...

Wet Patch

I need not explain.

It's going to be a long day...

Many of you may be asking why, on such a joke-worthy day, we are yet to post anything. Well simply put it's because we don't like April Fools day shenanigans. Anyone building our hopes up and then shattering them completely should be shot.

April Fall. Ha.

Here are some examples of why many many people today have been added to the LIST OF DEATH.

GTA IV announced for Wii
Free Google broadband
Wii Helmet
Blizzard Announce WHOA
RoboGirlfriend
HoloScreen
Bluetooth Brush

I could type more but it will only anger me. And you won't like me when I'm angry.

Update from the front lines

The people have spoken! China has backed down! The Chinese government have allowed our MySpace page to cross their borders! No longer will the Chinese nation be subjected to picking tea leaves and prodding Pandas with bamboo sticks. Instead they're free, free to browse MySpace, free to sell dodgy DVD's on eBay, and free to cook sweet & sour chicken for us on a Saturday night!

There are no more limits. The revolution begins early for China!!!